Experiencing Eroticism by Linda White Dove, M. Ed. Author and Healing Facilitator Eroticism is the alignment of the body, mind and heart in the current moment. This alignment makes a path for your divine self energies to flow through, creating an enhancement of the senses and an increased openness to life. Eroticism is something that can be shared with a partner, but it stems from the courage to open your heart to life and say yes to the exquisite pleasurable sensations of being alive (whether you are “having sex” or not). However, sexual intimacy is often considered a good way to experience eroticism because it offers plenty of pleasurable sensations, because desire for sexual fulfillment is a powerful motivator, and because intimacy over time creates trust between partners, offering a safe environment to be really open. Erotic is different from sexy. Sexy is a mental process, an evaluation (value) we give to certain people and objects based on conditioning from culture, friends, family, the media, etc. Sex is the realm of the mind acted out in bed. It is about placing value on ourselves and lovers based on external conditions or belief systems (many of which were passed on from other lovers who were also taught they were not good/sexy enough). While it is okay to enjoy the external appearances/expressions of yourself, partner(s) and environment, the downside of “sexy” is that when it comes with the need to be good enough, all of our past conditioning comes into play making it difficult to fully enjoy the experience. I believe that much of our sexual desire is actually a desire for erotic fulfillment and that if we could experience this deeper (wholistic) aspect of sexuality, we would not need to find our self worth in a search for the perfect partner, medication, sexual techniques, or having the perfect body. I also believe it would challenge the fear, anger and hurt that perpetuates the so-called “war of the sexes.” To truly be open in body/mind/heart with each other and be fulfilled, pleasured and received is the best healing gift we have to offer ourselves and the world. Eroticism is the experience of ourselves as fulfilled, whole beings. When we come from the inner experience of wholeness, there is no need to fear that our needs cannot be met because they already are. We do not need our partners to be a certain way in order to feel worthwhile, nor do we need to live up to the fear based standards of others. This frees us to enjoy our experiences with each other. When in alignment with our own wholeness we are in contact with our divinity (a state of being known as Eros) and the very experience of being alive can produce feelings of pleasure, bliss and love in its unconditional form (meaning we do not have to do or be anything to feel it). Eroticism is our innate, natural state of being, waiting to be re-membered (embodied). When you remember eroticism, you will be able to feel it everywhere in everyone and everything. It is the pleasure and joy that comes from being fully alive. When you can live this way, beyond mental conditioning/illusion, you feel life with a depth and breadth that makes every thought and every moment a deeply sensual experience that is not limited by fear, or lack. Our sensory ability is infinite; it is only our perceptions of how much is too much for us (usually from lack of self worth) that has us believe we can only feel a specific amount of pleasure. The path of eroticism (Eros) is not something to be obtained or earned. It is ever present because divine love is what you are made of. It is not necessary to embrace any belief, aspect of yourself or any teaching. Nor is it necessary to let go of anything such as releasing fear, belief systems, cultural conditioning, etc. Both of these require action on your part and are based on the belief that you are not divine love already so you have to act in some way to become it. The path of eros is a path of non-effort and of non-being. It is a path of non-sense (smile) in that it cannot be understood using the linear, logical mind. This is one of the reasons that many spiritual texts sound like a variation of “Confucius says…” Words are a tool of the linear, logical mind and are not intended to convey that which cannot be understood in a linear fashion, except when used in a rhythmic, non linear manner such as with poetry or certain song lyrics. Eros is most easily accessed in those moments when you lose track of your ego self, or when some difficult event causes you to be confused or feel like your life is in chaos, beyond your control. The chaos is like static that causes a disruption in your usual perceptions of yourself in relation to your world and life, and in that chaos you are able to sense your erotic self. Eros awareness can come from a major life changing event creating the willingness to see things a different way, or in the passion of sexual embrace when you forget yourself even just for a moment. It can happen anytime a person experiences alignment of body, mind and heart in the moment, however certain practices such as meditation or Shamballa Multi-Dimensional Healing can help create a space for a person to forget their limited sense of self and thus set the space for the eros awareness to shine through. Likewise for letting go of/opening to beliefs and ways of being. It is important to understand here, though, that that releasing/opening and spiritual practices do not create the awareness of Eros which is ever present, it just creates the conditions in which we are more likely to notice it. The experience of eroticism can have long lasting impact, even if only felt for a brief period of time. It causes a person to see beyond the boxes of conditioning in which we live usually unaware. I am fairly certain that everyone has perceptual boxes, at least when we try to understand life through our rational/logical/linear mind. Even people who consider themselves free spirits who express their sexuality in a very open way often do so as a response to the sexual standards they do not wish to have imposed upon them. On some level, most choices regarding sexuality (and everything else) are a response to some belief we hold which, whether it is working for you or not, it is still a belief and therefore is mental conditioning. To see beyond the perceptual boxes often means seeing mental conditioning for what it is and opening to new perceptions (or going beyond the need for perceptions at all), which can be life altering. For me, feeling erotic energy taught me that it can be enjoyed for what it is without having to “act” on it. When everything can be immensely pleasurable, there is no need to respond out of lack to try and receive the energy from any specific person or in any specific way (such as “a relationship”). The form matters less to me, which leaves me free to enjoy pleasure as it is, whether I "have sex" or not. When I choose to “have sex,” I am no longer tied to the limiting self beliefs that had me needing to define the interaction and what it means. I can deeply love and enjoy the person as they are, without needing anything from them to feel okay. I also am learning that everyone is sexual and all interactions are sexual interactions because life is sexual. I feel a lot less shame and guilt around sexuality, and about being sexually attracted to someone, even if they do not feel the same about me. I can enjoy my sexuality unconditionally. I can also appreciate the sexuality in everyone, even people I choose not to “have sex” with, and I can respond to sexual energy in others with increased openness (non-judgment). It was amazing to notice the degree to which shame/fear/anger/hurt formed the basis in how I interacted with people whether it was a lover or someone whistling at me as I walked down the street. I am also noticing how we all hold our past hurts and other conditioning deep inside and interact with other people from these limiting perceptions of self. When, in the moment, I become aware of myself interacting from limitation, I open to the eros/erotic energy and the situation often changes as I change my self perception. It is my hope that the perspective of eroticism offered in this article can create new understanding and healing individually and collectively. I wish for each of you the deepest, most juicy, pleasurable, sensate experiences that life has to offer so you can taste, smell, hear, see, feel and know your total fulfillment as the erotic gods and goddesses that you are. Linda White Dove, M. Ed. is a healing facilitator with a focus on the embodied union of sexuality, spirituality and energy awareness. She is also a writer of magazine articles and is working on her first book. For more information: www.lindawhitedove.com or (413) 584-5701. RETURN TO OMPLACE HOME