Who's Pushing Your Buttons?|
A Closer Look
by Shaman Elder Maggie Wahls
Excerpted from her E-book Whoís Pushing Your Buttons? What Your Mother Never Told you (but Did Teach You) About Manipulation
The reasons for manipulation are many. Some people manipulate to make us feel as bad about ourselves as they feel about themselves. Those are the people who are always dragging us down from where we could be.
Some people derive their sense of personal power by making us feel powerless. They are actually weak and powerless and find a satisfaction in that temporary domination of our wills.
Some people have a very low sense of self-esteem and so they donít feel they can get what they want without manipulation. They try to make us feel ashamed or guilty if we donít comply with their every wish. They are too little to just ask for what they want without strings.
Some people are artificially inflated, lazy or reluctant and manipulate us to wait on them and give them what they want. Some people donít know how to get what they want by themselves and so manipulate others to get it for them.
Some people erroneously believe they do know what is best for everyone else and so try to manipulate us into doing what they think that is, but who knows you better than yourself?
Most manipulators think it is normal, OK and allowed to manipulate others. Why? They saw their parents manipulate each other. They saw their teachers manipulate the classroom. They saw their schoolmates using all the above techniques to get what they wanted. They recognized it with their subconscious minds and learned how to become master manipulators themselves. Some people donít even realize they are manipulating! It is learned by observation.
It is not something your mothers taught you about, sitting on the edge of your bed or over the breakfast table. It is something you watched her and your father do to each other to extract values like respect, worth, consideration, attention and strength. These values actually come from within a well-centered human being. But for those of us who cannot find these values from within, we have learned vicariously and subconsciously to seek them from without, through manipulation.
Can people usually talk you into doing things that you donít want to do?
Do you feel guilty if you say no to people?
Do you ever feel as though you have been taken advantage of?
Are there some people who make you more angry, uncomfortable or resentful than others?
Do you do things to be nice when you donít feel like it?
Do you try to solve other peopleís problems?
Do you give more of your time or talent than you really want to?
Do you ever lie or provide alibis and compromise your own standards for others? Donít you wonder why you do these things?
Sure you do. We all stand back and say once in a while, sheesh! I wish I would quit doing that. Well, it is not you. It is the manipulation of you that pushes you beyond where you would like to go. Let's see how this manipulation works so we can recognize it and learn how to defuse it.
How it works
What are the ways in which you can be controlled?
Laws and Government
For some people being controlled in these areas means that they no longer have to be responsible for their own actions, for their own success, for their own happiness. They can point the finger of blame towards those things they allow to manipulate them and say they are victims. If this is you, please send this article to someone more willing to be responsible for his or her own life.
There are people who want your money. There are people who want your time. There are people who want your respect. There are people who want your talents. There are people who want your knowledge. There are people who want your reverence. And there are manipulators in every one of these categories who are in your circle of life right now. A manipulator is not willing to give you fair exchange for these things. One who is not willing to trade something of equal value. This is the way to recognize manipulation. It is the difference between exchange and conning.
How do they get these things from us without a fair exchange of value?
Sense of Duty /Fairness/Sacrifice
Lets take each one individually.
If a person grabs you in an alley, beats you up and takes your wallet or purse, the mugger has gained your money without a fair exchange of value by manipulating you with force. Forcing someone out of his inheritance, forcing someone into a mental institution, forcing someone to judge unfairly, being arrested on a false charge can all be manipulations.
If someone threatens to take you into the alley and beat you up but you give the thief your wallet and he leaves, this is manipulation through fear. Fear is one of the biggest forms of manipulation used in the world today. Fear of disapproval, fear of not being accepted, fear of financial ruin, fear of job loss, fear of being ill or being in debt or dying.
What do you feel guilty about and who makes you feel that way? A manipulator may use this technique to make you feel guilty for not helping him or her, for being prosperous when he or she is not, to extract money from you.
Manipulators often just lie to get you to do what they want. They seem to have no remorse in manipulating the truth to manipulate you.
Duty, Fairness, Sacrifice:
Is it your duty to give your money to some cause? Is it only ?fair? that you should stay home tonight and baby-sit? Have you been asked to do the honorable thing and sacrifice something you have of value for no exchange? Who reaps the value of your good deed?
Manipulators will withhold approval if you do not concede to their wishes. The more you need the approval of others for your own self worth, the more likely you are to be manipulated by those people who know how to use manipulation for their gain. You are a willing target they can use to get what they desire without giving any exchange of value to you. They will not give you approval when you concede to their wishes but will show their disapproval until you do concede.
By understanding what the manipulators are looking for and the ways they try to get it, you can now have your eyes open to all the situations around you and recognize manipulation when it happens to you. When someone tries to get you to comply with a threat or a fear of the future or a sense of duty, no matter what the request is, remember what you have read here and take just a moment to question the motives of the seeker.
Shaman Elder Maggie is now offering her own skills and tools as a Traditonal Shaman for over 55 years to you for your own personal benefit. Just email her with what you need in your life and she will use her abilities to bring that into your reality for you, in alignment with the will of Creator. You can have a True Shaman working for your own well being. Just send an email or see her website.